You are the type of person who has as much fun buying a pack of gum as a new car. Family and friends wonder how you can possible enjoy shopping as much as you do. Today, you are likely to spend a great deal of time at a garage sale trying to buy either an ink cartridge for your printer or a rechargeable battery for your camera. Be on the lookout for telephone calls from long-lost relatives. You should consider shopping at stores or businesses beginning with the letter H, but do not buy any products with a serial number or product code containing the number 272214. Your preferred shopping venue is shopping malls. Your special symbol is the asterisk (*).

As a Yellow Chipperoon, you are happy, happy, happy. You enjoy everything about life and about shopping. You love shopping. You love buying. You love spending. You love to compare products and prices. You love the crowds. You love chatting with the store clerks. You love every bit of the buying process. Nothing dissuades you from having a good time shopping, whether you're buying a box of facial tissues or a new house. Does it get any better than spending an afternoon at the shopping mall? No way!

The consolidation of two or more separately-owned businesses, operating in the same industry and producing competing products, into a single firm. This is one of three types of mergers. The other two are vertical merger--two firms in different stages of the production of one good--and conglomerate merger--two firms in separate, unrelated industries.

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Our pedestrian's jaunt through the economy is not, unfortunately, an unrestrained shopping spree for confectioneries, spark plug tools, and Houston, Texas. We have other important errands to run. At the moment we need to hike over to Shady Valley's exclusive provider of cable television services, the Merciless Monolithic Media Masters Cable Television Company, Inc., to inquire about a mysterious fee that appeared last month's bill.

The good news is that the Merciless Monolithic Media Masters (the 4M people) Cable office is a mere 2 miles (3 kilometers for the metrically inclined) from the Shady Valley Central Town Sprawling Hills Shopping Mall. A hop, skip, and a moderately long jump later, our excursion through the economy takes us to the front door of the 4M Cable Television Company where I hope to discover why last month's cable bill included a $3,569 charge for something called "The Vacation Channel." I didn't even know I had a vacation channel. (But, I'm sure it's a great channel, and if I don't have it, then I will certainly subscribe. Please don't disconnect me.)

Of course, because this an afternoon workday, the doors of the 4M office are locked. I can almost make out, through the expensive stained glass windows, what appears to be several Merciless Monolithic Media Masters Cable Television employees, with champaign bottles in hand, dancing on expensive mahogany desks. Let's not disturb them. As they say in the cable business, an upset worker is a disconnected customer.
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-- J. C. Penney, Retailer

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